I Am an Illegal Immigrant. I Am Guilty.

I Am an Illegal Immigrant. I Am Guilty.

Except I am not an illegal immigrant.

I came to the United States legally. I studied, graduated, built projects, and completed internships.

But lately, even when I follow the rules, I feel afraid.
I am guilty of believing I could plan a future.

UIUC has paused some CPT authorizations where training is not required of every student in the program. This affects certain programs—not all CPT.
There is also a proposal for an additional $103,265 fee on cap-subject H-1B petitions. It remains a proposal, but the possibility alone makes me worry about finding an employer willing to sponsor me.

I want to be considered for what I can contribute—not feel like a six-figure complication.
I am guilty of wanting to see my grandmother.
She has late-stage cancer.
Worried about changes to student status scheduled for September 15, 2026, I felt I had to return to the U.S. before I could visit her. A court blocked the rule on September 14.

But by then, I had already left.
The rule could be paused. My missed visit could not be undone.
I cannot know how many more chances I will have to see her.
I am guilty of thinking I would feel relieved once I returned.

Instead, I spent three hours in secondary inspection.
My luggage was searched.
My phone was searched.
I felt exposed, frightened, and powerless.
When I say I felt as though I had no rights, I am describing that experience—not making a legal claim.

I had already missed seeing my grandmother because I feared being unable to return. Then I arrived and spent three more hours unsure of what would happen next.

This is not just about a checkbox:
“Do you require sponsorship?”
For me, it is also about whether I feel able to go home. Whether I can make plans. Whether I will see someone I love again.

I am not asking for a guaranteed job or an unconditional right to stay. I am sharing what this uncertainty has meant in my life.

Behind my immigration documents is a person with a family.
Behind my résumé is someone who misses home.
Behind my travel decisions is a granddaughter afraid of running out of time.

I am an international graduate.
I am someone trying to build a future.
I am a granddaughter who still wants to see her grandmother.

Wanting a future is not a crime.
Neither is wanting to see the people you love.